Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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