3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
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I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
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Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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