sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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