I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
