I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
