Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Randomize
