I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I deserve this hangover.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
