Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
