I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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