I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
