i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Your cock deserves a montage
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
