how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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