who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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