Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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