left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
