You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
