Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I have already put on my inside pants.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
