mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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