Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
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