Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
