I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
