I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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