Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
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How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
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Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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