Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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