i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
My vagina just clenched in fear
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
