So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
