I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
