she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Girls should come with a carfax report
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
