Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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