Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
