she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
