That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
