Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
