ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
