Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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