ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
