I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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