Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Randomize
