you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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