I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
