I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
