I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
