Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
