Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
