Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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