Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
