Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
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If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
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drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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