why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
