She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Randomize
