Your face is a jimmy john
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
