Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
