This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Blow job season was short but glorious.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
