You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We are two peas in an std pod
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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