you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
