I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
