There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
