Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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