please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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