last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
