the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
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