I puked a lego.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
