3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
