were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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