Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
