i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
