my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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