im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
