And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
