I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
