4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
