Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
