what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
