There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
