between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
