Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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