my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
