Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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